You Have Power

First of all Happy International Women’s Day. Let’s celebrate all the steps, victories, and triumphs that our Ancestors have been through, we acknowledge and endeavour to bring equality to the now and future generations. Congratulations on being a female warrior.

As some of you may or may not know I am not a victim of domestic violence. I am a survivor, conquerer, and I am a warrior who has overcome domestic violence. Sadly this was not always the case though. There was a time in my life where violence unfortunately ruled my home, and I constantly lived in flight, fight or freeze mode. Living like this alters your state of reality and somehow your brain manages to desensitise or minimise the abuse.

It was not until sometime later and I’m talking years and years later, around about 10yrs later I think that I was exposed to the cycle of abuse. I was literally sitting in a group counselling session by court order for abused women. You would’ve thought the court order alone would’ve been a wake up call. I realise now I was in a huge state of denial. But it was not until I saw this cycle that I realised I was stuck going, round and round and round. It was at this point I knew I needed change but I was not sure how to improvise it or still who to go to to initiate it. So still I sat for a few more years in an abusive, toxic marriage.

I had left too many times to count previously, so I knew just getting up and leaving was not enough to break the cycle. I knew deep down something else had to change, but I lacked confidence in decision making, I lacked confidence basically in everything I did except being a loving mother. One thing I knew in amongst all of this was that I was a loving mother/father to my children.

So in a very shorten version of events, on the actual day that I left for good I actually didn’t know that was the day I was not going back to the abusive relationship that I was stuck in. Once I left I knew though I had to do something different, I had to put a block in this cycle or I would be straight back within at best a couple of weeks. So in a very spontaneous moment I called my life time best friend to live with me. I knew or it was more like I felt that I would now be answerable to her, and that it would be harder for me to feel that pity or regret of my decision.

Just rethinking about all this really got me thinking do we get stuck in the cycle of self sabotaging our own success and if so how would we go about breaking that cycle. I have used the DV cycle in other circumstances to look for cycles in my life and it’s worked but I had never thought of looking for a cycle around my lack of reaching goals or my abundance of procrastination.

The cycle often looks like this;

  • You set a goal,
  • You get distracted,
  • You acknowledge your distraction (sometimes this not be the case it may be so habitual that you don’t recognise it as a distraction).
  • You debate with yourself over the distraction, ( in the past my home was at it’s cleanest when I had assignments and essay’s due).
  • Then you feel guilty for not making progress towards the goal.
  • You then engage in the sabotaging behaviour, (procrastination, comfort eating, negative self talk, self-medicate,)
  • You then feel guilty about the sabotaging behaviour.
  • You then engage in the self sabotaging behavour out of guilt, more distractions, more negative talk and actions.
  • You then agonise over the distraction and the cycle goes on and on.

You become exhausted and full of self doubt.

Something I saw yesterday has really stuck with me which I thought would help break this cycle. That is you need to act on your goal/idea within the first 5seconds of having that thought. You only have 5 seconds to act before your brain starts to put self doubt and disbelief into your thoughts.

I do believe that this is what I did subconsciously when I left my abusive relationship.

From the moment you have an idea or new goal you only have 5 seconds before it’s gone, you have 5 seconds to act upon it.

Perfect example was for this blog post today, i just jumped on and did it BECAUSE i knew if i thought about it, self doubt would’ve crept in, especially about the DV part. My suggestion is to keep a journal write down your thoughts, another awesom piec I heard yesterday was to keep a success list. Sure have agoals list but make sure you put effort into your success list.

So I have chosen today to not let that 5 seconds past, when I have a thought that is productive, positive and I know it’s going to bring either me or others success. I am going to act on it within 5 seconds.

I do urge anyone who is in a dangerous situation to seek professional help and guidance. There is safety plans that need to be implemented and sometimes it’s not as easy as just leaving and this can be more dangerous than you may expect (as I found out). Please reach out to the right resources and people and above all keep yourself and your loved ones safe.

Help Lines.

White Ribbon Australia: https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/

1800Respect: https://1800respect.org.au/

Mens Referral Service: https://ntv.org.au/get-help/

Mens Line Australia: https://mensline.org.au/

Lifeline: https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Kids Helpline: https://kidshelpline.com.au/

Elder Abuse: https://www.eapu.com.au/helpline

Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s